One of the catch phrases of our ministry is “everyone has a story.” It’s become a shorthand expression that Calvin and I use to remind one another that no matter how chaotic, traumatic or just plain sinful someone’s choices and actions appear to be there is always a backstory that gives explanation to how their character has developed.
An understanding of our purpose and our “place in the story” is an essential component to living meaningful lives. Many, if not most people lack understanding that they have a divine design, created by God on purpose and with a purpose. In the healthiest expression of our identities, glorifying God is our character motivation, each of us in our unique story-arc but all of us part of His metanarrative.
The stories that have always captured our imaginations are filled with the stuff of life: conflict and drama, victims, villains and heroes, the ugly duckling that transforms into a graceful swan. We like stories where good triumphs over evil and right wins out over wrong. We can stand the tension of a cliff-hanger for awhile, but we want resolution by “the end.”
When our children were young, they were fond of a story series entitled “Choose Your Own Adventure.” The format of the books, written from a second person point of view allowed “the reader to assume the role of the protagonist of the story making choices that determine the main character’s actions and the plot’s outcome.” The books featured plots and endings that varied depending on the choices made by the reader. The challenge for the reader was to select options that would lead to a favorable ending for their character. As we read the stories, the kids would talk about the “if/then” aspect of the alternatives, imagining where each choice would lead. Often their predictions were accurate, other times the outcome was far from their expectations.
In our prayer ministry we have the privilege of hearing people’s stories and often they have told us that it is the first time they’ve ever shared it with anyone. From a 76 year old woman in Colombia crying over the retelling of how her boss had taken advantage of her more than 50 years earlier to a young teen crying over the recent loss of her pets, we have been honored to be their audience.
Two young women had remarkably similar stories in that each had grown up with a great deal of chaos in her family life and each had been rejected by her mother. Each was living out consequences from the choices the adults responsible for them, especially their mothers, had made. Each of them had options of their own to consider as well, that would unfold their adventure.
When we encounter those that live as lost: hopeless, helpless, discouraged and worse, we can almost “write” the end of their story from the perspective of a sociological forecast. The end of the story of a welfare mom is that she will raise welfare children, the cycle endlessly repeating. We presume that chaotic lives will result in irresponsibility, debt, unplanned pregnancies, substance abuse and prison, to name a few devastating possibilities.
In the cases of the girls I referenced above, the first came from a broken home and had been subjected by her mom to a string of boyfriends, countless moves that resulted in multiple changes of schools, and financial insecurity that ultimately resulted in another move for mom, and the decision to have Tiffany live with her dad.
In Tiffany’s case we might reasonably expect that as a young teen with her background that she would choose “adventures” that would lead to more brokenness. Perhaps she would turn to drugs or alcohol to help numb the pain. Perhaps she would become promiscuous in order to find the love that she had been lacking.
Providentially, some new characters were introduced in Tiffany’s story that helped her re-imagine her tale. They introduced Tiffany to Jesus, the author of life who wrote life and blessing into her story rather than the death and curses trajectory she was on. Tiffany’s “happily ever after” includes a loving husband and children, a home, and many other grace gifts that only the author of her salvation could imagine.
Lindsey’s story does not yet have the same kind of happy ending. Lindsey’s rejection by her mother resulted in her being farmed out to her grandparents, who love her and want the best for her. They are Christ-followers who desperately want Lindsey to trust the love Jesus has for her, but who have been at the mercy of court-mandated counseling for her. The psychologist that Lindsey has been seeing is also very concerned for her because of the anger and rebellion that she expresses in their sessions. Lindsey is on prescription medication to help control her moods, but muting her anger has only led to sullenness and depression on Lindsey’s part. The psychologist writing in Lindsey’s file forecasts an expectation of continued anger management issues, and the likelihood that her unmanageable emotions will lead to on-going psychological problems. He further wrote that he would anticipate some level of incarceration in Lindsey’s future if there were no substantive changes in her behavior.
Lindsey needs a new plot and a complete re-write of her character. All of us do. The first chapters of our stories may be filled with drama, and without benefit of careful editing become too confusing for words. If we allow Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith to write the conclusion we will discover that we are a part of “the greatest story ever told,” and the lifeless “the end” will be replaced by the eternal “Amen!”